Ladies, I had to forgive myself

Hello Ladies Wonderfully Made, I trust the Lord that you are all doing well by His Mercy and Grace. Today, I want to just share something with you. Something very intimate about myself. I know after you read this, many will wonder " Is Lala mad? Is Lala aware of what she did"? The answer to your questions is " yes, Lala is aware and she was fully convinced by the Holy Spirit". Please bear with me, for it is a quite long article.


For a long time, I was struggling with unforgiveness. Unforgiveness towards myself. I was so bitter against myself, can you imagine it? I know for those who had the opportunity to meet me or chat with me, you can think right now" but Lala, how? I never knew". That's right, it is because you are a man and you look at the outward. It is amazing  how one can deceive himself/herself thinking everything is okay while everything is wrong.


To tell you the truth, I myself never knew really that I was even having this issue. I remember once I was chatting with my Pastor(Pastor Joe) and he told me something. He said " Larissa, you have to forgive yourself". I was not getting him at that time. I was like but why should I forgive myself when God forgave me. I mean I am doing fine. But recently, the Holy Spirit opened my spiritual eyes and I could see how bitter I was towards myself.

I love the Holy Spirit so much because He is the Spirit of truth. The Bible says in Jeremiah 33:3 that I will show you things that are hidden, things that you are not aware of. The Word is really true.  I used to blame myself so much for the things I did in my past. I was a great fornicator, I was very disobedient to my parents especially my mother. I would watch pornography until my eyes are tired of seeing things, I would even masturbate myself, doing all sorts of things.

 If you are into one of those things, I want to tell you something. My dear lady, you deserve more than that. Christ loves you, you are worthy. Do not let anyone deceive you with rubs, use your body. You deserve a man to cherish you and I mean your husband, your high priest. Did he say he wants you to prove that you love him? Offer him a bar of chocolate!!! Amen! But do not give your body as a sacrifice. If he wants you, he has to put a ring on it!

You are special, do not allow anyone to deceive you by telling you that you are not! I know also some ladies give themselves to men because of their low self esteem. There is nothing godly in this. Chaley, your price is above rubies! You are wonderfully and fearfully made! Take the time to look at yourself. Oh Lord, I pray that we may see ourselves as You see us! Chaley, you deserve more than that

When I gave my life to Christ, I remember that Christ opened my eyes to see my spiritual state. I was like a pig, always going back to its vomits. The thing is I will decide to stop fornicating or doing whatever wrong I was doing but I will go back to it. Deep inside of me, I was crying" Help me!". I was looking for help. My mother preached to me about Jesus, my pastor did too. I was even going to church but I would never truly accept Christ. I thought" can Christ accept me?". I will shake my head as a no. How can Christ forgive someone like me.

I would come to church not to pray like everyone but to seduce people make them fall into sin. I had a doctorate in that. I would target especially those who think they are so holy that they cannot sin. Those were my favorites on my list. Satan trained me so well, that for me it became a game. I remember when I gave my life finally to Christ, one of the guys I made sin went back to his previous life. My heart was broken into pieces. I tried to preach to him, I also asked for forgiveness to him. He told me he forgave me but will not come back to Christ. He told me he enjoyed his new life now.


Since that day, I was blaming myself for my previous life. Every day I would pray for God to forgive me for those sins I did long time ago because of the guilt and unforgiveness in my heart. I was so hurt, broken, I was helpless. The Holy Spirit would remind me the scripture we all quote once one gives his life to Christ 2 Corinthians 5:17. I love the amplified version, it reads as follow "17  Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!". I knew this scripture but I never believed in it. I was always condemning myself.......


The devil had so much grasp on my life in this area that even the idea of sex was darkened. God created sex in a context but for me sex was now strictly forbidden whether it is now or in my marriage. Yes, my ladies this is how deep my wounds were!

On Sunday, my pastor preached on forgiveness. It is amazing how Christ knows what message can touch and transform us. I strongly believe God wanted me to forgive myself. While my pastor was preaching the Holy Spirit told me , do you know that every time that you are asking forgiveness for those previous sins, God wonders what you are talking about? I answered " how come? Holy Spirit have you forgotten that I used to make people sin, that I used to fornicate, have you forgotten that I gave my virginity just like that, have you forgotten..." I cried inside of me. The Holy Spirit told me " I know but you know what once you come to Christ, God does not remember your sins anymore because everything is new to Him.

Isaiah 43:25  I, even I, am He Who blots out and cancels your transgressions, for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins. God does not remember your sins anymore. If you confessed them, turn your back to them, the Blood of Jesus wash you and make you pure. When God sees you, He sees purity. He does not see what you did, He sees Holiness because Jesus paid your ransom.
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I am truly thankful to Christ. I can now see myself as pure, as a new virgin, as a good girl. I used to tell this to myself but it never went into my heart. I thank God so much because through His Grace now, I forgave myself. I made it! I made it! I made it! I am so thankful to Christ. I just had to testify of this. Maybe you are reading me and you are trapped in all sort of sins, I want to encourage you.

First of all, my friend only God can give you the power to overcome this. By your power, chaley you will never come out of it. The Word is true. It is not by power nor by might but by the Holy Spirit( Zachariah 4:6). The Holy Spirit is the anointing of God. Chaley, you need the anointing. The Holy Spirit will help you but if you are not saved you need to receive Christ. Christ loves you! Christ wants you! Maybe you are crying deep inside you " help me" as I used to cry. My friend , your help comes from God. I urge you to receive Him now! Now is your salvation!

Maybe you received Christ already but are still in those sins. You know what will set you free? It is the Word of God. Do not think it was easy for me. No way! But my pastor told me something, he said "read the Word". I have to admit the more I read it, the less I desired a man, or pornography, or something else. It was a progressive work. I am not saying the battle is over, for the battle will only be over when I died. Once you are delivered, you need to keep your deliverance. How do you do that? By abiding in Him, abiding in His Word!


Despite what you were before, know now you are so pure and holy for God. Do not condemn yourself. It is the devil who accuse us, Christ loves and encourages us in His Will. I see you believing in your new state in Him! I see you keeping your deliverance, I see you abiding in His Word!
 

With much love.

Lala.